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Wednesday is a big day in the life of our family. Zachary turns 16
and will get his driver’s license. Some of you know the excitement
that he is feeling and some of you are familiar with the anxiety
that Tammy and I are feeling. From the first time Zac got behind
the wheel of a car I have told him to treat the vehicle as a loaded
weapon.
I
have a friend who is a fellow pastor that knows a little about that
dynamic. Several years ago when he was pastoring a church in the
country, he found himself alone in the home of a parishioner while
his wife and the home owner went shopping. Actually the pastor was
not alone, he was with his very young son who was sitting on the
floor, minding his own business, as children sometimes do. My
friend began to look around the home and saw a gun rack that
captured the attention of the outdoorsman. He took a rifle out of
the case and stared down the scope, pointing the gun outside at a
cow in the pasture. He decided to check the gun to make sure it was
empty. Assured that it was, he resumed his sighting in the open
field beyond the picture window. He pulled the trigger expecting
the click of an empty chamber. Instead there was a loud boom and
piercing sound of shattered glass heard by the pastor who was
knocked backwards by being unprepared for any sort of recoil. He
explained to me that he had apparently loaded the rifle when he
checked to see if it was empty. He blew the picture window out of
his parishioner’s home and scared his own son almost as much as he
had shocked himself. If only he had known that it was loaded.
Many times people mistake potent moments to be powerless – whether
it’s a pastor in a parishioner’s home with a rifle in his hand, a
teenager behind the wheel of a car, or a parent and a child in a
life-long relationship. As we continue in our series entitled
“Extreme Home Makeover”, we turn our attention to the relationships
at the table between parents and children. The apostle Paul knew
the power of these relationships. He addressed them in Ephesians
6:1-4 found on page 195 of your New Testament. Hear now the Word of
the Lord:
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for
this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother” – this is the
first commandment with a promise:
3“so that it may be well with you and you may
live long on the earth.” 4And fathers, do not provoke your children to
anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord.
This is the Word of God for the people of God. Thanks be to God.
In
this passage Paul emphasized to the Ephesians the spiritual
responsibilities of familial relationships. Let us pray.
It
is easy to underestimate the power of relationships around the
table. We get so familiar with others that we forget the potency of
the moments and how they are spent. So today as we continue our
series on Extreme Home Makeover, I want to warn you to be
careful with that – it’s loaded.
Children hold
generations in their hands.
The apostle addressed children with familiar instructions to honor
and obey their parents. That is, they were to value their parents
as precious, by honoring them and they were to do what they were
told. However, these instructions were not based on the wonderful
qualities that their parents may have possessed. I suspect that the
first century Ephesians were just as dysfunctional as 21st
century parents. Children were instructed to obey and honor their
parents, because this is right. It is an ethical absolute. Now, of
course, we must be careful how far we take this. It is not some
kind of biblical loophole for enduring abuse. The assumption is
that both parent and child have a relationship with Christ and that
all relationships are understood in reverence for Christ, which we
will address in a little bit. However, the charge here is for honor
and obedience and the promise is that life will be much better than
if this divine expectation is unheeded.
It was nearly ten years ago that I was driving down the road on a
Saturday night listening to the radio. Garrison Keillor was telling
one of his stories from Lake Wobegon, “where all the women are
strong, all the men are good looking and all the children are above
average.” He was telling the story of a young boy who was visiting
his grandparents. He was bored, angry over doing chores, raking the
leaves in the yard. He had outgrown his family. He had become
weary of the provincial life of the small town and wanted to spread
his wings and experience life more fully. This is not an unusual
place for children to arrive in life’s journey though it is awkward
for parents and children alike. Florian Krebsbach took a look
outside the window of his Lake Wobegon home and saw the angry,
restless child pacing almost like a caged animal and whispers, “Take
care, my child, take care, you hold our lives in your hands.” I can
almost identify the exact spot on the road where I was when I heard
those words. They spoke so poignantly to my soul. “Take care, my
child, take care, you hold our lives, our generations, in your
hands.”
It is easy to underestimate those moments of restlessness. It is
easy for children to only see the moment and for parents to look no
further, but the truth is those children are making a path into
which they will carry many generations. There are powerful moments
around the table, moments that influence many lives over many
years. Be careful with that – it’s loaded. Children
hold generations in their hands.
Parents hold
Children’s hearts in their hands.
It is not surprising to read the writings of a first century
preacher that addresses women and children and their roles in the
family. However, the apostle continued to forge fairly new ground
by speaking to the mutual responsibility of husbands and parents.
Here Paul told parents what not to do and what to do (often the word
translated literally as “fathers” refers to both mothers and
fathers). They were not to provoke, irritate, exasperate, come down
too hard on their children. In other words, they were never to
exploit or take advantage of the power that they had over their
children. Instead, they were to use it for the utmost good by
“bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”.
I like how Eugene Peterson put this in The Message, “Take
them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” This
is an image of intimacy and respect offered by parents to their
children. Unfortunately, it remains an unfulfilled image in many
homes.
Years ago, Reba
McEntire sang this song entitled, “The Greatest Man I Never Knew”:
The greatest man
I never knew lived just down the hall
And everyday we said hello
But never touched at all
He was in his paper
I was in my room
How was I to know he thought I hung the moon
The greatest man I never knew came home late every night
He never had too much to say
Too much was on his mind
I never really knew him
And now it seems so sad
Everything he gave to us took all he had
The greatest words I never heard I guess I’ll never hear
The man I thought would never die has been dead almost a year
He was good at business
But there was business left to do
He never said he loved me
Guess he thought I knew
I heard that song at a concert by Reba McEntire that I attended with
my daughter. When it was over, we both looked at each other with
tears in our eyes. I was certain that I did not want to be the
greatest man my children never knew. I knew also by the look in her
eyes and a look that I have seen in my son’s eyes, that they need a
father in their life who will bless them and lead them. They need a
mother in their life who will listen to them and love them. They
need someone who will “take them by the hand and lead them in the
way of the Master” – a Master who, by the way, showed deep concern
and attention to children.
Parents, be careful with that – it’s loaded. You hold
your children’s hearts in your hands. Children, you hold
generations in your hands.
The good news is God holds us all in His hands.
It is important before we go any farther that we look back a little
to Ephesians 5:21, where Paul began the household code, “Be
subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” In this
passage, he told children to obey their parents in the Lord.
He instructed parents to bring their children up in the instruction
of the Lord. These relationships around the table were to be
deeply rooted in the individual’s relationship with Christ. Indeed,
they were to represent Christ to one another and so are we –
children and parents.
Last summer when I was in Turkey, I went to a jewelry store in
Antalya. It was a magnificent place with all sorts of jewelry. I
knew this would be the ideal place to pick up a souvenir for Tammy.
I decided to try my hand at bartering only to discover how miserable
I am at this art. Apparently, I started too low, offending the
merchant. In fact, the price that I offered for a pair of earrings
was less than the jeweler himself had paid for them. I was a novice
at this so I did not know my error and was not prepared to budge on
my price. My host intervened and asked if it was alright if he
spoke to the merchant in Turkish. I said, “By all means,”
recognizing that I was out of my league. They talked for quite a
while and there were many gestures exchanged, all of which seemed
very friendly. Finally, my host said, “He will sell them to you for
your price.”
As we boarded our bus, my host asked if I wanted to know what they
said. Of course I wanted to know. He said he told the merchant
that we were a group from College Station, Texas in America and we
were spending one week in Turkey as the guests of Interfaith
Dialog. The purpose of the trip was to promote good will and that
this exchange was not simply one between a jeweler and a customer.
He told the jeweler that he represented Turkey to me. The jeweler
eyes grew moist as he told my host that the earrings would be his
gift to me – no charge. My friend told him that was not necessary,
but if he would sell them to me at my price he would reflect the
hospitality of a nation. All of a sudden those earrings became even
more precious to me. They were a reminder, not only of a wonderful
trip to a beautiful country, but in way they represent all of
Turkey.
Children and parents, we represent more than ourselves in
relationships around the family table. We represent the kingdom of
God and our savior Jesus Christ. Paul was quite clear that we do
not offer respect, obedience, and honor to one another because the
other is deserving, but rather because we have received so much from
Christ. That’s why it’s so important to remember to be
careful with that – it’s loaded.
Children hold
generations in their hands, parents hold children’s hearts in their
hands and Christ holds us all in his hands. These are powerful
relationships loaded with the potential for life.
Amen.
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